Got myself completely spooked by the idea of having a boyfriend lately...stupid, I know.
Took a while for me to realize I was still young and still a woman after my divorce two years ago, but I'm starting to reconsider things right now. But HM isn't exactly what you would define as sexy or attractive... It does take a lot for someone to go through all this with you...to stick around.
I know, maybe I'm over reacting (as usual, some might say), it's not like I was a leper or anything, but I realize that it was tough finding someone decent without HM, and now...Well, you get the picture.
Maybe it's nothing, maybe I just don't trust myself or others enough...God only knows.
Maybe I should just take things as they come...
One day at a time...
It's scary, though.
There. It's out of my system now.
lundi 5 mars 2012
jeudi 1 mars 2012
Serial 'Piller'
8:00 in the morning, 8 pills :D
Morning cocktail:
Heart pills, pain killers, low blood pressure pills, anxiety pills...
Maybe I should just go all plant therapy on that...this is a tiny bit much...
Take it with a smile and be grateful: Family ties
Finally got a visit...from my Mom (bless her).
It took some coaxing but she barreled in Monday evening with the clean clothes I'd asked for. She was pissed because I had given her the wrong directions and it took her forever to get to the clinic, even though I had given her the complete detailed route from home to the clinic (nothing I do ever seems right with her...been this way for nearly 30 years, so I guess I really should be used to it by now, but still...).
Well she gave me the bags, and it had everything but what I'd asked in...But never mind, it's clean at least.
She called again last night to say 'Hi'...and gave my personal room number to one of the companies I work with so they can offer me more work - which is absolutely IMPOSSIBLE in my current condition - and they called bright and early this morning asking me if I could take on a new student.....
I mean, I'm in hospital for Pete's sake!!! I could hardly speak two weeks ago and barely manages to walk straight now, so why would my Mom do such a thing as give my room phone number to others than close friends or family?????
Well, just the other day I asked her if she could come and pick me up for a day with family (it's called 'allowance' and it's one day during the weekend from 10:00am to 5:00pm). It took some coaxing again, but she said yes...
Yet she texted me this morning asking me if I could be picked up earlier and brought back later than hospital schedule because she was otherwise engaged (something that's been planned a while ago, you understand, right?).
I'm not the pampered, prissy girl, but all of this tends to give off the wrong signals...
So I tell myself that my Mom reacts like that because she doesn't understand my disease and my need for family support through all this, instead of thinking she just doesn't give a crap about it and that I am big enough not to bother people with my problems....
So I tell myself: "Take it with a smile and be grateful!!"
Tough work, though
It took some coaxing but she barreled in Monday evening with the clean clothes I'd asked for. She was pissed because I had given her the wrong directions and it took her forever to get to the clinic, even though I had given her the complete detailed route from home to the clinic (nothing I do ever seems right with her...been this way for nearly 30 years, so I guess I really should be used to it by now, but still...).
Well she gave me the bags, and it had everything but what I'd asked in...But never mind, it's clean at least.
She called again last night to say 'Hi'...and gave my personal room number to one of the companies I work with so they can offer me more work - which is absolutely IMPOSSIBLE in my current condition - and they called bright and early this morning asking me if I could take on a new student.....
I mean, I'm in hospital for Pete's sake!!! I could hardly speak two weeks ago and barely manages to walk straight now, so why would my Mom do such a thing as give my room phone number to others than close friends or family?????
Well, just the other day I asked her if she could come and pick me up for a day with family (it's called 'allowance' and it's one day during the weekend from 10:00am to 5:00pm). It took some coaxing again, but she said yes...
Yet she texted me this morning asking me if I could be picked up earlier and brought back later than hospital schedule because she was otherwise engaged (something that's been planned a while ago, you understand, right?).
I'm not the pampered, prissy girl, but all of this tends to give off the wrong signals...
So I tell myself that my Mom reacts like that because she doesn't understand my disease and my need for family support through all this, instead of thinking she just doesn't give a crap about it and that I am big enough not to bother people with my problems....
So I tell myself: "Take it with a smile and be grateful!!"
Tough work, though
Discoveries
My life behind walls is a blog dedicated to living with HM.
Found it extremely touching and real.
Go check it out!
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