Feeling under the weather

I've been feeling a little down lately.
Tried my best to see the bright side of things but it's become increasingly difficult.
Now my leg hurts all the time, like I'm permanently being stabbed in the thigh. There's just nothing I can do to ease the pain; make it go away.

I was wondering if it would be so bad to slip into a coma. With my condition, it seems like a viable possibility. But what would it change?
I'd just be a gigantic pain in the neck for everyone around me.
Yet...there'd be no pain, no loneliness or sadness. Sometimes I feel so lonely I could just die. I can't talk about any of it to anyone, though. My friends and family all have their own problems without me adding to it. But carrying this thing around is taking its toll on me.

Waking up in the morning and not knowing if you'll be able to go through the day without having an attack, being exhausted doing the smallest things... I try to stay positive, but I've got to admit that it's really hard sometimes. I don't want to sound selfish, but I guess I am. I'm too focused on my problems and don't see things as they truly are.
Maybe I'm saying this in order to hear someone tell me the opposite. Maybe I'm twisted like that.

I'm tired. I am.

Maybe if I just slept, it would all go away. Maybe...Just maybe. Sleep a while and then everything would be okay. Yeah. Just a while.

I'm just getting it out. It's nothing. There's nothing much to it.

"The lights are on but no one's home..." (Celeste Buckingham, 'Nobody knows')